Ballmer Throws A Chair At “F*ing Google”

A reliable source has passed along a legal document in the ongoing lawsuit between Google and Microsoft over Google's hiring of Kai-Fu Lee. The document is the "Declaration of Mark Lucovsky" in the case. Lucovsky was a distinguished engineer at Microsoft who defected to Google in November of 2004….

FuckinggoogleA reliable source has passed along a legal document in the ongoing lawsuit between Google and Microsoft over Google’s hiring of Kai-Fu Lee. The document is the “Declaration of Mark Lucovsky” in the case. Lucovsky was a distinguished engineer at Microsoft who defected to Google in November of 2004. His statement makes for some pretty interesting reading, to say the least.

The statement reads in part:

Prior to joining Google, I set up a meeting on or about November 11, 2004 with Microsoft’s CEO Steve Ballmer to discuss my planned departure….At some point in the conversation Mr. Ballmer said: “Just tell me it’s not Google.” I told him it was Google.

At that point, Mr. Ballmer picked up a chair and threw it across the room hitting a table in his office. Mr. Ballmer then said: “Fucking Eric Schmidt is a fucking pussy. I’m going to fucking bury that guy, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill Google.” ….

Thereafter, Mr. Ballmer resumed trying to persuade me to stay….Among other things, Mr. Ballmer told me that “Google’s not a real company. It’s a house of cards.”

UPDATE: This has hit the wires.

Author: John Battelle

A founder of NewCo (current CEO), sovrn (Chair), Federated Media, Web 2 Summit, The Industry Standard, Wired. Author, investor, board member (Acxiom, Sovrn, NewCo), bike rider, yoga practitioner.

92 thoughts on “Ballmer Throws A Chair At “F*ing Google””

  1. Balder seems like every other corporate wonk I’ve run into. Girl’s got her tie wrenched up too tight.

    He’s the man. He rocks. Throw a chair to intimidate some brainy engineers so they go back into their cage and start coding again.

    What a dork.

    He is precisely the type of jerk I love taking apart piece by little piece. And if he gets huffy, I’ve got some pipe-beating brothers than can bring it to his billionaire ass.

  2. Is Ballmer really that clueless?? I mean he works for Microsoft and all, so you know, that surely he would know what to do in this situation.

    Instead of swearing around, fucking up chairs and bellowing at his ‘former’ employees, he should just get off his ass and start working on something that can take on Google.

    Anyways, I’ve always admired the propagators of Google. Despite heavy competition (Microsoft), they still go on with their lives to improve and innovate something that is already good.

    2 THUMBS UP for Google!

  3. I THINK I WILL DIE AND I WON T SEE TO FALL MICROSOFT, I REALLY THINK IT S ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE
    DO YOU WANT TO PLAY AGAINST THEM????

  4. Google is going to bend Microsft over and break a new hole,
    MS doesn’t stand a chance, this is not a money war not anymore, MS has already lost and no matter how much $$$ they spend it won’t make any difference.

    There’s A new Coolness on the web and it’s name is GOOGLE, say goodbye to bill gates, if he’s lucky he may be able to find a job at google as a fetch boy.

  5. Ballmer is an effeminate poseur, desperately attempting to cut the profile of a multi-national’s CEO while knowing full well that he appears to all the world like a rotting sack of oozing, fermenting potatoes. All that disco zeig heiling, shouting and grimacing like an orangutan shitting in a tree does nothing to hide his girlish puffy face, his middle-aged secretary’s spread and that slight lisp. The chair throwing incident is really a faux machismo burlesque of his lifelong interest in interior decoration. In another life, he’d be one of the consultants on the Queer Eye show.

    If he had any sack at all, he would not have asked Lucovsky about his plans at all. He would have just pulled out his eyes and skull-fucked him to death on a LiveMeeting simulcast to the entire Redmond campus. Then he would have silently hunted down Dr Lee and cooked him with pineapple and cherries and eaten him on another simulcast while reciting the names of Microsofts 10,000 enemies whom he would predict he will eat alive. “I prefer ’em wriggling and screaming, but the fact is I like Chinese food,” Steve would say, revealing his personal side and playful interest in exotic cuisine. “Why the fuck should I bury what I can fucking eat, you fucking cunts!” he would conclude, bits of Dr Lee flying from between his teeth.

    Chicks shout and throw things. Real men kill in silence and consume their prey alone. Given Ballmer’s behavior, he might as well show up at corporate meetings in a ball gown and a bee hive hair-do.

  6. I’ve been a long term hater of MS simply because I came from a UNIX background and hence supported open source. OS advocates have a legitimate right to fight against MS. But how can people support Google against MS? They are both corporations. Very very rich ones at that. They both exploit customers and investors (Google is placing more over-inflated shares just to cash in), and they gobble up promising new technologies from small rivals. Both produce “innovations” that are just gimmicks. I prefer to be suspicious of both and prefer the solace of the OS movement. I think it’s somewhat pathetic for ordinary people with no vested interest in the corp to shout from the rooftops how cool Google is.

  7. It almost makes me want to try to get a job at Microsoft, just in order to encourage Google to hire me away from them…

  8. I use Linux most of the time because it’s better, I use Firefox all of the time because it’s better, I use Google all the time because there’s no good alternative. I don’t hate MS but the only reason they make so much money is that most people have never heard of Linux and most shops sell windows with their computers without letting their customers know about any alternatives… Making a good search engine won’t make them any money… So where’s the incentive for MS to make a good product…

    Though now PCWorld have named Ubuntu as the best OS in the world they may have to start getting off their asses and work… I honestly hope that MS goes bankrupt because basically they’re forcing everyone to use their OS by forcing ignorance on people and convincing everyone that Linux is evil and unsafe…

  9. Classic info. I think Mr. Ballmer may be someday be asking Google to throw him a bone, as Google continues to eat MS’ lunch across a number of business arenas.

  10. What the hell do you think, that a robot can type text? Is r for red ass. Google is the worst thing to happend to this country since Wally World. Correction, Geoge Bush.

  11. hehehe

    i wish mr roberto sumatra-bosch will make an animation of his little story. it will make the headlines.

    competition drives this world. microsoft and google happen to be very good at what they’re doing, although google right now seems better positioned to take on the future of internet-driven computing, coupled with some developments from the likes of linux, firefox, opera, and others from the freeware community, which work well to the advantage of google.

  12. Ha ha ha! What a psycho! So nice to have a troll like that in charge of once of the world’s richest and most powerful companies…

  13. Glad to see that Ballmer kept his composure. Well, I’m gonna be childish too and say that if Eric Schmidt is a P$%#@, then what does that make Ballmer (besides a Monkeyboy)? ;D

  14. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

    It’s 5 years since this blog entry and I must confess I was blind regarding Microsoft behavior since a long time ago, but …

    FINALLY!!! MS IS DEAD!!!

    Thanks, Linux and the FSF.

    (I’m sure Google thanks Linux too)

    1. ¬†==–
      We don’t have to get rid of microsoft.¬† They’re doing that themselves!

      In five years, Apple will buy them–not to acquire Windows, but to acquire their office furniture.¬†

      -faye

      1. Really!? Are you fu@#ing serious!? You can’t be fu#$ing serious so I’m going to assume this is a joke … a joke or else you’re too much of a ‘tard to really understand what you’re saying. Either way you should stop posting inane BS like this.

  15. ==–
    Even after 7 years, this story still brings joy to my life!

    One commenter here said: “Ultimately Google and MS are all doing one thing: trying to make money,
    not satisfy pseudo-intellectual programmer, Silicon Valley wannabees
    like you.”

    Yeah, the difference is that Google makes money by satisfying the intellectual programmers in Silicon Valley and the customers everywhere else.¬† They satisfy their employees to the extent of providing gourmet food and sofas so they can sleep on the job, and they satisfy everyone else to the extent that they give away every product they invent for free.¬† The result?¬† Fanatically dedicated employees, fanatically loyal users of beautiful products like Google Earth… and their customers bid against each other to see who can give google the largest pile of money.

    Compare to Microsoft deliberately crippling their products (like the toolbar in Win Explorer), bribing reviewers, planting stories in the industry press during the antitrust suit, and pulling features from Office 2010 so they can ransom them back to you.¬† Or look at the Metro UI: they removed the start button, the icons, the desktop, most control panel items, wallpapers, and nearly everything else but large, useless buttons that show the weather.¬† Why?¬† They think that if they force all windows users to switch to a telephone O/S which everyone hates, then when we buy a telephone, we’ll want the same interface.

    One professional reviewer at Infoworld said “Whoever invented Metro should be imprisoned”, and another one said he was finally done with Microsoft: “I stopped using my PC and bought a Mac, and all it took was one look at Metro”.

    They were not joking.

    Yeah, Google and MS are doing the same thing: trying to make money. The difference is, everyone loves Google, and everyone hates arrogant Microsoft, yet the board lets Ballmer blow holes in the sides of his sinking ship.

    — faye kane homeless brain

    1. You said it, used to work for MS bunch of back stabbing assholes. It was good when Gates ran it, but Ballmer has some very bad business¬†policies that get in the way. If you can’t cooperate buy, if you can’t buy sue. Never give in to standards. These are his policies.¬†

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